Early Signs of Grief
It is not unusual for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one to describe themselves as if they are going through the motions. Some describe this as if they were in a dream or as if they are watching themselves in a movie. This feeling is often identified as numbness or referred to as a “grief fog.” It is a protective mechanism that our body uses while the many tasks related to final arrangements of a loved one are being concluded, such as a memorial service, notifying friends and family, legal matters such as acquiring a death certificate, all in addition to taking care of the requirements of everyday living.
You might find that you ask yourself “What do I do now?” as daily life has changed so dramatically. As that fog lifts and the numbness fades you may come to the swift realization that “this is real.” You may find that your sleep is affected, your appetite altered, and be experiencing aches and pains that seemingly have no cause. You may find that your emotions change from moment to moment. While the old adage “time heals all wounds” is not true following the death of someone close, you will reach a point where you learn to live with the scar on your heart and find comfort in knowing that someone so special will never be forgotten. While each person progresses through grief at their own pace, there are some strategies that you can use to help you on your journey to heal.
Be with the pain - Recognize that you are hurting. Feeling pain after loss is normal and a testament of the love you have for you loved one that died. Allow yourself to cry and share about how you are feeling with people you trust.
Take good care of you - You may not feel like it but it is important to take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest, stick with a schedule, exercise, make small achievable goals, call a friend, or contact a counselor. Do not be surprised if your enjoyment of things is not the same. This is to be expected. Also give yourself permission to clear your schedule from time to time to lay on the couch, binge watch a show, or do absolutely nothing.
Keep major decision making to a minimum - You have been through a major loss and may feel the urge to make big changes in your life. If you can, give yourself time preferably a year. Once the “grief fog” has lifted, make changes gradually.
Seek Comfort - Accept support from others and seek it! It is human and courageous.
Tomorrow will come - You are much more than the emotional wound you are currently carrying. You will survive this and your smile will return one day. Be gentle with yourself until then.